a letter to ue

A letter to dadi and mami....



i have never expressed my feelings to you....my beloved ones
all these years i have been keeping it to myself
there's a lot of things i wanted to say....want to tell you
before i started writing this post, i already know what i wanted to say
now...when i just started to type the first alphabet, my brain went blank
totally blank....i have lost my words
its just so hard to express it in english as my english is not good
i have always know that dadi and mami love me the most since i am born
you have always longed for a daughter and that makes a clear gap on how you have cared,loved and treated me throughout these 19years and 7months
i have never complained about my appearance
but why couldn't i be like all other girls????
i want to be pretty and cute too
why must it be me???
the more i grow up the more uneasy i feel about my appearance
but nothing could change it....i can only learn how to accept it
i never blame you on this
i am glad that i am born without any disability and that's enough
i know that i have not been a good girl all these while
i have been really disobedient, naughty and naive
i have always got whatever i wanted
brothers have always complain about the unfairness
you have really spoilt me too much
i was once so naive that i nagged n bugged you everyday to send me here to further my studies
i tried anything i could do just to come here
i was really happy that i could finally achieve one of my dreams to further my studies overseas since i was a kid
i was so excited and anticipated for that day to arrive
counting down the days make me feel like i am not ready for all these...i am not willing to leave
i can always remember the day you sent me off to persuade my dream
tears dropped uncontrollably showing the unwillingness to let go
even until now....everytime you send me off tears has never bid farewell
from that very second i have to learn to grow up....be more independent
i could no longer stand behind,letting you to protect me and let you handle all the problems and obstacles
i have never know the obstacles that lies beneath every second of life because i know that no matter what you will always be right there with me
without you beside me,everything seems so hard and impossible
now that i learn that the reality of this world is cruel
survival skills and money seems to be the factors that have troubled me
i am always trying my best to do well in my studies and earn lot of money too to pay off all my expenses
its really hard...i know i am useless but i really tried my best
my studies....my result...HD and D has seem to be getting further from me
i could no longer has that achievement anymore
i have been really homesick
really just too homesick to get concentrated on my studies
you have open the cage and let go of me wishing for a better future for me
and that has always been what i wanted
but why???why have i regretted so much on choosing this path????
i should have just stay back in malaysia to continue my studies before furthering it here
friends told me that i had missed and lost the fun that i should have enjoyed
schooling back there is really more relaxed and fun
its my mistake
every kids has always wished for pursuing their studies overseas including me
when we reach this foreign land,yes i admit i am really happy that my dream has come true
its just like a bird who has just been let out of the cage,enjoying the freedom she never has before
sooner or later the birdie will start to feel tired and sad of this...she could no longer stay comfortably in her cage without the need of worrying about any single thing
people has always say that love is blind...now that i would like to say that dreams are blind
i have always been wondering too if i have chosen the right course
you said its my life and you wanted me to choose on my own
dadi has always been my idol
i admire that you worked in the hospital laboratory before and this has always make me feel so proud
and this has always been set in my mind that i wanted to be like you
thats why i have chosen this biomedical science and molecular biology
asking myself again now....is it really what i wanted to do???
i can only say no it's not
i really regretted choosing this course over engineering which is what i really wanted to do
well...perhaps there is no more turning back
so now no matter how hard it is for me....no matter how many times i failed badly and upset you....i will do all i could do to finish this course
i just want to say it in a simple way::::::::::::::::
THANKS for EVERYTHING


its father's day today
dadi its the 2nd time i am celebrating this special day without you
i am really lack of words now
i just want to wish you HAPPY FATHER'S DAY
and I LUB UE


i would like to share 3songs today....expressing my words through the songs
although the lyrics said mami....but dadi....its for you as well

this song represents the naive SAB before....


this song is what i want to tell you now....


this song is what i want to tell you in the future....






i miss my family so much
i have been crying every single day
its just so funny that i can be so happy laughing this second and totally turned 180 degrees being emotional letting my tears flow down
its not that i want to be like this
i just couldn't control myself
your voice...your smile...your everything just couldn't stop running through my mind
i just want to go back home
can you bring me back home????
back to where i belong

it hasn't been raining for a few days
but today it rained
the rain woke me up from my dream
i walked out to the balcony helplessly and cried
even the sky knows that i miss u


LovE,
SaB
xoxoxo